This is just psychology,
staring at me stare at me,
mirror full of empathy,
mirror that is empty.
People think some really twisted things
when lack of sleep is applied to their brains,
when at night they hear the memory of screams,
and think they’re near, invading their dreams.
Real or not, it isn’t likeable,
it’s not what we’re designed to do.
Isn’t this what psychos do?
Well, that makes me a psycho too!
No! I believe in the truth of Scripture!
I don’t need to see a shrink for a fix up!
Maybe I just need to act with wisdom,
get some sleep, trust in God’s provision!
I rest, then I go, give it all, then I crash.
When this repeats, how long can it last?
Staring at the face, watching every second pass.
Emotionally exhausted and I’m out of gas.
Can I go further? No! Will it get worser? Yes!
This is the effect of PTSD and duress,
time alone won’t make one decompress.
Back at work I face a thousand angry guests,
put out fires, stop them from smoking meth,
back at home I spend it with my earthly friends,
wanting that time before I go to never end
when I get to pray and put my kids to bed.
But I believe in the truth of Scripture!
I don’t need to see a shrink for a fix up!
Maybe I just need to act with wisdom,
get some sleep, trust in God’s provision!
Fast forward a year and a bit,
I thank God I’m not in the thick of it,
come to think of it, its been peaceful –
had good times with God’s people.
But there it goes again, triggered,
like a gunman with an itchy finger.
Shallow breath, my muscles flex,
lip is stiff, eyes widen, careful steps.
I remember the dual effect
of taking someone down to protect:
both a fear and exhilaration,
‘This is fun!’ I think, I laugh in exultation.
But my new heart believes in Scripture!
I am seated with Christ, a new creature!
I know at times that I have lacked wisdom.
I must not give the flesh any provision.
There are times I wrongly fixate
on the darkness of the reprobate,
think on hate, not the love of Christ,
or the Christian’s call to sacrifice.
There are downs but mostly ups,
the world is dark, greater is love.
I reminisce a bit, but not that much.
I leave a lot for the Lord to judge.
God will tear apart the evil that I see,
and He will do it so much better than me.
There are times those instincts do resurface,
my mind’s rehearsed this, don’t get nervous, all of life in Christ is service.
By His grace I will obey the Scripture!
Come these fits I will lift up my pitcher.
I will just apply biblical wisdom,
get some sleep and trust in God’s provision.
