Arminians in 1610: Here are my five points against the Dutch,
five protests to what the Reformed teach and such.

FIRST, this notion that you’re chosen,
is that supposed to keep us from boasting?
I can’t tolerate such caricature of God,
as if He’s sovereign and we’re not!
I could understand Him choosing us in this way:
He sees us choose Him and chooses us, in this way,
at the end of the day, my view won’t provoke
the objections in Romans 9 that Paul quotes.
It makes sense through the lens of my doubt,
now no one asks, “Why does He still find fault?”

SECOND, what a horrid, grievous, vexatious word,
I vituperate this doctrine so absurd,
that Christ out of fidelity and exclusive love,
for His bride, cursed and died, shed His blood.
We say its not substitutionary,
our sons will say for all He paid the ferry
only to go most the way across the gap,
your free will has to make up the other half.
So, in effect, for all He made salvation possible,
but secured it for none, which is logical.

THIRD, we are not so affected by Adam’s fall
that we can’t of free will choose God and call
upon His name, its just the same,
as the call to obey and love His name.
If He commands and expects obedience,
shouldn’t I be able to do the pleasing thing,
I mean, we aren’t puppets or dead in sin,
only sick, half dead, like Luke 10:30 says.
Our nature is stained, but there’s a spark,
we are God’s noblest, greatest work of art.

FOURTH, God can’t knock you off your horse,
change you from a persecutor to tell His worth!
He can be your guide, even chide,
but He can never just barge inside,
He stands at your heart’s door knocking patiently,
like a gentlemen, or better yet, a lady!
I’m tellin’ you, our freewill is made of steel,
offerings made by that bad-boy are unreal.
If I choose, I can put off God forever.
Get into this heart uninvited? Never!

FIFTH, I hope you see how logically
this all supports my next fallacy.
Since grace given to all is improved at pleasure,
we can fall from grace whenever.
It doesn’t take much to see
how a god like this is captive to me,
and as such must allow me my space,
to persist, if I wish, to resist received grace.
His love kept waiting for the day that I arrived,
so His love is still there if I accept and survive.

Calvinists from Dec 6, 1618 – May 6, 1619: Did you write that after drinking five pints?
We will respond in what’s known as The Five Points.

FIRST, the words predestined and elect are biblical,
and you make foreknowledge all theological,
like God foresees when it says, “whom He foreknew”,
not faith or works, but the object is “who”,
and He rejects the rest since He is the Potter.
Offended? Paul wrote your objections in God’s word.
Our position brings ‘unspeakable comfort’ to us,
yours ‘savors of  the teaching of Pelagius.’
You leave God and us both guessin’,

SECOND, Christ’s death is of unlimited worth,
but it was designed to be the dowry for His church,
lovingly the Bridegroom gave up His life for her,
ascended on high to prepare a place for her,
He doesn’t covet the devil’s wife or sleep around,
but this doesn’t take away our evangelistic ground.
You ‘bring again out of hell the Pelagian error’,
do you want a Spanish-Romish reign of terror?
Your view doesn’t provide sinners help for a moment,
the Shepherd did not die for goats, its LIMITED ATONEMENT.

THIRD, based on the holy word of truth,
man’s thoughts are evil from his youth,
ever since Adam sinned as our federal head
all from conception without exception are dead!
Unable to please God without faith,
’cause the mind of flesh can’t please Him, so grace
is needed, the word freewill is mistreated,
since every thought and word and deed is
a fruit of our corrupted humanity
we’ve entitled TOTAL DEPRAVITY.

FOURTH, you see we are in need of regeneration,
our mind, will, and emotions are set for sin and Satan,
there’s no hope for a synergistic cooperation,
its by God’s grace alone that He saves men.
But as a creature still and endowed with reason,
‘as senseless stocks and blocks’ He doesn’t treat them,
but their wills He ‘quickens, heals and corrects’ them,
He most ‘sweetly and powerfully bends’ them,
granting what you think belongs to the most base.
Well we respond with IRRESISTIBLE GRACE.

FIFTH, though the regenerate are delivered from bondage,
we still struggle with sin, we’re not spotless…yet.
But we can say it with certainty despite our infirmity,
when He saves He save us eternally.
The sheep are kept in His hand, made to stand,
despite the errors, sins, and plots of man.
Those He loves He chastens to keep them holy,
He may withdraw but not finally or wholly.
‘Outspoken Pelagianism’ your teaching contains!

Now let’s rearrange these letters at this momentous hour,
to be a constant reminder when we see our national flower: